Friday, July 30, 2004

I'm looking under rocks now

This job search process is an exercise in futility at this point. If I wasn't depressed most of the time anyway, I'd be looking for high ledges with no guardrails about now. The cool thing about depression is, the longer you live with it (and I'm going on 21 years, so I know what I'm talking about), the better you learn to not only tolerate it, but actually make it work for you. Of course, that's on the good days, when things are going well. Not days like these.
When you're an atheist dealing with depression, every day can either be another pain in the butt to be dealt with as quickly and easily as possible, or a day when maybe, just maybe, the pieces will finally fall into place and the anxiety will disappear. No big-guy-in-the-sky is going to come down and make it all better. No motivation out of fear of eternal damnation...I'm getting a pretty good dose of that here. No reason to comb the yard for a four-leaf clover. Just me and the abilities that life has given me to face the big ugly monster of reality.
And the reality is, I need to find a job or in a very few months I'll be out there in your town with my laptop under my arm, Bob the cat trailing along behind...looking for an unoccupied freeway overpass.
Post a Comment